Can a baby NOT like their mom? He fights me on everything. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. I am in the same position yet I do not work. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . And yes, I think that would be great for many reasons. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. But I believe it can be solved. Hi all, I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. this time we were alone in the room. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. What should I do Please help. My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. Play games together with both her and her if needed. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. Newborn Baby Rejects Dad. A boy and a girl. "Be gentle with yourself, moms! Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. I know a significant factor in my issues with my son was my inability to bond because of my terrible adjustment to being a mother/post partum depression. What can I do? Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. :) :) :). But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. Consider using an Supplemental Nursing System to supplement. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! Paula, please give me some advice! You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. Sometime when I am feeding him on the weekends (breakfast typically), my son wants to get out of the high chair and go to dad. I nursed him up until a month ago. Very hopeful! I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. Toddler Milestones. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. Disguise the bottle. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. Please help me!! I am not defending what the babys mom did. Help! If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. She cries for her grand mother. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? Over the 2 years I have been in a terrible custody battle and its still going on right now. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. 4. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. If you can work part-time, do so. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. If she wants help then she should take her to day care then then she will start to understand the women picking her up is her mother. Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. My 9 month old baby seems to get attached to everyone and any one. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. Im starting to worry about the mother. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! Plan pumping while at work. But it is so important! Ive actually read about spending the 15 minutes with your baby as Paula posted to Laura previously. Push her away and put your foot down. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. This is painful, really painful. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. Its just that when my husband and i decided to start trying for another baby i quickly had changed my mind and decided i wasnt ready yet and that i was content with it just being me, my husband, and our first son, but it was too late and when i decided to not try anymore i already conceived. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. What scares me the most is that I dont want her to start having tantrums when she cant get what she wants. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. It took me a while to get into the groove of motherhood not sure whether it was my age, post partum? Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I am drained to the point where I Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. I dont get it. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. Its easy for the preferred parent to dismiss our emotions. Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. Thank you so much for your reply. My point is this this WILL pass. Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. I feel your pain. Here you go honey!. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. Hi my 9 1/2 month old boy is with me all day since birth now daddy is home with me since he got laid off I do everything for him. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. Play lots of games with your daughter. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. I see you're still nervous. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". by Margaret e Jacobsen. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Both my husband and I made it a consistent schedule just for her.When connection is bad, we utilizd the phone and made a very short international call where he wd talk 2her and we get to sing our song together. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. Quick message to Laura- I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. That is wonderful for your little daughter! even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. I am so sad. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. Maybe worth trying for you too? I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. A more upright position makes it easier for the milk to go "down the hatch.". Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. I will try that and let everyone know how it goes. Heartbreaking! Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. Its absolutely heartbreaking to me. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. May God help us all. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Please dont give up. He cant even get close to here with a crying. I am an older mom (41 years old). It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. . For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. 1. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. Mom's Question: I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. If you are dreading going back to work at the end of maternity leave or, indeed, know anyone going through the same who might get a little kick out of this . Speak with Your Boss. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. Or that babies dont do that. A scary thought! When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! No that he is born she is so pushy, she since birth has whisked him away when he would cry and always play with him more than me and he seems to bond or smile or laugh more with her. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. well, its not. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. So I came online, and read this entire thread. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. Thanks. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. I cry all the time. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . This has been for pretty much his whole life. A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. Even for biological parents, bonding is something that happens over time. amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. I think there are several aspects to this. I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. knowing or hoping that there is an end in sight gives me great joy. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? I am not saying that it is easy, but I am saying that it is definitely part of being a parent to be rejected now and then. but, really, we'll be alright. Which makes me feel guilty that he feels guilty. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? That is sick and the real mother should move out and seek help from friends and family. The bond is there, and you obviously love her very much. However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. I am really shattered. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? Focus on love and fun! i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! Congratulations on your little daughter. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! Is in an age where turning out towards the world, but 6... Social worker and therefore i know all about attachment patterns and i that! Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you obviously love her much. 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Would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but it seems that even stay home have! Pump a few weeks before going back to work after baby and Easing into depression. So much for writing about this! else, let her go without showing your..