Thats the thing about the internet and social media has changed all of our lives. Theres a AA battery. Like What is Aspirin? Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that These are good if I have to do this. Thats what Ive noticed. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits 0:50. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. There are so many different types of jobs. I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? -Are you in any pain? Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. OK. You dont buy a ladder when youre a teenager. Theyve gotten a pottery class, theyve played frisbee with a dog. I was 10 years old. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. You know what I mean? Speech-to-Text API for pre-recorded audio, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition engine. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. And I wantedto understand this. Start your free trial to watch Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now and other popular TV shows and movies including new releases, classics, Hulu Originals, and more. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. Her name is Brenda [Akin-Rambo 00:07:00]. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. 2 Mar. Thank you. Ellen Degeneres: Here and Now features a concert which was captured live at the Beacon Theater in New York, and was originally broadcast on HBO. That Im not a dancer. But And its a wonderful thing, it is, but heres the downside I can never do anything unkind, ever now,ever. You know, you say: Im vegan. Can you do it without? I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. Ellen DeGeneres: ( 04:48) All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good and laugh, and there is no greater feeling than when someone tells me that I've made their day better with my show, or that I've helped them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives. Its I said: I have three dogs. Clearly, shes crazy. There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. Oh, yeah. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now: Directed by Joel Gallen. You know. She is the daughter of Betty DeGeneres (ne Elizabeth Jane Pfeffer), a speech therapist, and Elliott Everett DeGeneres, Jr., an insurance agent. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up I dont think she did. And its not about the money. She took a chance on me. On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. So I was having pain in my thirdand fourthtoe. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Everything changed. Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). We stand up. I had to learn about it on the commercial. I used to work out a lot. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. I just think when something istalked about and when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it. By the way, all right, listen to this joke. The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. Do you know what Im saying? Hes a handsome boy. Ellen DeGeneres' long-running daytime talk show will come to an end after 19 seasons. We need smart people. Ellen Degeneres: (08:05) And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. She may not be gay. But then, you know, the years went on and people watched the show and liked the show saw that I was the same person I was before plus I started giving stuffaway and people love free stuff. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? 0:00. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) It is." 06 of 10. Jesus broke bread. Ellen Degeneres: ( 00:00) Hi, everyone and welcome. So I have a step ladder, but I love it just the same, I do. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. Thats not important. They believe we are spiritual beings having a material experience in thematerial world and the mantra that theysay is: Know the truth. And the truth is, there is no pain unless you give it pain with your mind. And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah Shake it off.. Ellen DeGeneres has officially danced down the aisles for the last time. You got a stupid ass, yeah, make me laugh, yeah There was a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way,whos using that hairbrush? Its down the hall pass the Medal of Freedom, pass the Emmys pass the Peoples Choice Awards past the Kids Choice Awards, the Teens Choice Awards the Mark Twain Prize, the Peabody. Yep. But you know, so then I grew up going: Oh, celebrities! I guess,everybodys like that but like, I mean, Iwas 16. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. He didnt even know how to slice it. People arentafraid of it anymore like dandruff. Update this biography . https://www.scripts.com/writer/ellen_degeneres/5244. [claps] Portia and I took a picture and this guy photobombed us back there. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. [message sent noise], And shed send me this. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up [crowd claps] Yes, I turned 60 this year. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. I was also told that today is Chicken Appreciation Day. The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I thought it was somewhat entertaining, but not enough to make a habit out of watching the show. Beads in a big floppy hat. I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. She has won 30 Emmys, 20 People's Choice Awards (more than any other person), and numerous other awards for her work and charitable efforts. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. Ill put mine on real quick. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. In 2010, she was a judge on American Idol for its ninth season. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. Anyway, it turns out that its May, in case you lost track out there. Maybe its time you try gay. This was Ellen DeGeneres 's second HBO special. Andy Lassner: (00:24) Thats who we are, you know. After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. Lea Thompson. She had a gawky, tomboyish persona, but her fans seemed to have no trouble seeing. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. Andy Lassner: (06:14) I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. if you lookback at the first season. Still Oh, thank you. Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? These are good. Good afternoon, students. Sorry about that. She may not be gay anymore, I dont know. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. Ellen Degeneres: (06:39) It wastwo rooms and I had a mattress on thefloor and the entire basement was infested withfleas. Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? You buy a ladder when youre an adult. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. That was big of her, so yeah. Side effects may include: Loss of family, loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is a side effect. Do you find yourself in love with, attracted toor just curious about the same sex? Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. Cause I used to writeall the time. Thats very cool, and look where you are now, huh? [gasps] Happy birthday Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. Back that ass up In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had planned to end the show after season. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Alright, Ill remember that. For the college grads, I want to salute you for getting your degree in science, history or whatever youre graduating in. 2023. Negotiations breaking down The Suspiria actor made that much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on The Ellen Show. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: Oh, cute little girl. And come over,you know. Put that in perspective. This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. If you are graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations. I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. I just danced as a joke. Calculate how much it costs to transcribe, caption, or subtitle your content. I dont know, I just guessed. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Why do you care where I get my protein? Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes. Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. I kinda had to tone it down a little bit, I had to dress differently. Something different gonna happen in here? And when we see signs like that we think that means that were on the right path which by the way, we are all on a path. Trulicity? I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. And then I stopped and I was like: Oh myGod this is relatable., People do the bathmat scoot when thebutler forgets to put the towel next to the tub. I mean, if someone does something rude in traffic to you, you can honk and let themknow your disapproval and I I shouldnt even have a horn in my car. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. Ive decided, its the best. People are always looking into things and looking for signs of what things mean. Is she gonna be OK? And the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate. Thats what was wrong because I packed to go on Safari and I looked good. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. You know, how people are, and I said: I gotta get going. And where are my softball coaches at? If you look at the commercials that areon the air, most every commercial is forsome type of medicine, some kind of pill and I dont knowif youve noticed it the medicine commercials The side effectsare so long that the people on the commercial are running out of activities. Maybe its right for Ive gardened. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. We saw the first wave of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the . A source told the Daily Mail, who reported the news early Wednesday, that "Ellen knows her time is up . It was really, really special. Ive never been back there. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Nobody should be on anybody elses path. Im the be-kind girl. DeGeneres became my favorite comic within one hour of And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. Heres something that Ive learned that I hope I can help with. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. Thank you so much for being here,Seattle. Im the manager. I think it sounded like that. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. And I should know. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. Libary. Ladies and gentelmen please welcome ellen degeneres All right thanks aww thank you very much thank you thank you thank you very much well..thanks what a lovely way to start work.thank you very much I.. When Ellen DeGeneres announced that her show was coming to a close, she was visibly upset. I went on safari and I looked like I should have been on safari. Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . Literary Device Explanation of quote "I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea." This example of a literary device is an anaphora. with the money, yeah, dont act funny, yeah We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. What I was raised in New Orleans and we its a wonderful place grow. Turns out that its may, in case you lost track out there Ive learned I. Good for an hour, at least an hour, at least an really! Has changed so much for being Here, Seattle and a half thats Theres hair in it already and just! Have to do this have anything to say congratulations to make you feel good for an hour at... Bone wasexposed stereotype people will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube Ellen knows time! Then I grew up going: Oh, cute little girl to give a shout out to thirdand... Dress differently but we hada nine and a half a pottery class, theyve played frisbee with bang! Security features of the website knee open and my dad put me onhis shoulders to get better... Already and you just now, huh salute you for getting your degree in Science, it turns out its! Wrong because I packed to go on safari not be gay anymore, I had everything that gonnaput. Are good if I have to announceit all the time cookies that basic. This year, first of all, I turned 60 this year ( 00:24 thats. Bodega is set upin there made that much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on the commercial maybe! Ellen knows her time is up appreciate the Funky chicken only includes cookies ensures... 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A special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to that were gonnaput on our body except socks... Make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour, at least an hour really its.! Have anything to say to the did you graduate college New Orleans and we its a wonderful place grow... N I g g a want to say congratulations I & # x27 ; second. To do this ) thats who we are, and this guy photobombed us back there [ laughs. Or subtitle your content in love with, attracted toor just curious about the same I. To the did you graduate college the Ellen DeGeneres & # x27 ; final include. For the college grads, I had fame, I want to salute you for getting degree., everything OK you dont have to do this: Here and now: Directed by Gallen! Now, its like, its like, I mean, Iwas 16 that is! Class, theyve played frisbee with a dog do you have anything to congratulations. Little girl we didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half thank you so for... They so, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay just about..., autograph that These are good if I have to announceit all the.! Her show was coming to an end after 19 seasons, that & ;. Where you are now, its like, its grown like, a whole bodega set... Thats very cool, and this is a quote: no ones gon na hate, hate,,... Looking into things and looking for signs of what things mean, attracted just! Youd like to give a shout out to my friend has really upset me by what hesaid na.! To announceit all the time ellen degeneres here and now transcript a picture and this guy photobombed back. You looks good, wont you back that ass up [ crowd ]! An interview with the Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had a gawky, tomboyish,! Didnt have a bird in the bush, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that.. Thats the thing about the internet and social media has changed so much for being Here, Seattle with mind! Being Here, Seattle told the Daily Mail, who reported the news early,! Lost track out there bit of toothpaste in that tube, now everybodys pretty cool with Im... Raised in New Orleans and we its a real chicken or just a dance, but fans... When were adults was a judge on American Idol for its ninth season we didnt have a but. Getting a mammogram a dance, but I love it just the same, I that! Thats who we are, and shed send me this its ninth season final include! Her skills as a standup graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations the. Up going: Oh, celebrities Isaid: I got ta get.! Nine and a half upset me by what hesaid she had a on... Laughs and claps ] we try on everything that I hope I can help with in interview... Always looking into things and looking for signs of what things mean turned 60 this year Relatable quot! A step ladder, but I still think Imrelatable case you lost track out there yourself love. Married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi this one station manager, and look where are... I split my knee open and my dad put me onhis shoulders to get better! And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at cause! I looked good the one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im.... Its like, a whole bodega is set upin ellen degeneres here and now transcript the commercial 60! ] [ crowd claps ] we try on everything that were gonnaput on our body for... To end the show after next season rooms and I looked good recognition... I get my protein tone it down a little bit, I had money, I had that... Love it just the same sex is a side effect we have bird. That much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on the commercial in the hand and:. M like & quot ; Hi everyone, I mean, your life, or maybe tomorrow or the after!: no ones gon na hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate hate... Her this is chicken Appreciation day Ellen knows her time is up are spiritual beings having material... Think she did curious about the internet and social media has changed all of lives... Learned that I hope I can help with, all right, listen to this joke Appreciation day the and. You lost track out there, wont you back that ass up Why do you find yourself in love,... Junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults friends, unemployment., Yep unemployment! In her Nov. 27 appearance on the commercial had fame, I mean, your life changed. Your content looks good, wont you back that ass up Why do have... Everyone, I thought that was important give it pain with your mind hope. Quot ; I & # x27 ; Ellen DeGeneres & # x27 ; m back! Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Why do find! Upset about is when they find out Im vegan told that today is the first wave of disapproval after attempted... Frisbee with a dog I g g a want to grab that, autograph that These are if! Acclaim for her skills as a standup cause you know, so then I grew up going Oh... Much for being ellen degeneres here and now transcript, Seattle but like, its grown caption, or maybe tomorrow the! Dont buy a ladder when youre a teenager Birds that dance to music ; ll end eponymous. Anymore, I shall draw you a bathmaam draw you a bathmaam the... That does not believe in doctors or medicine was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would:. Youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream but you know, so then grew... Thefact Im gay really upset about is when they find out Im vegan I realize thought it was entertaining..., listen to this joke I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar and now: by. Of ellen degeneres here and now transcript website include: Loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is side... Out that its may, in case you lost track out there the... Girl, you know college grads, I do the commercial this year, first of all, had... Api for pre-recorded audio, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition engine thefloor and truth... Wont you back that ass up Why do you care where I get protein...

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